Jesus Loves Me

So I've been really praying about some stuff lately. Just seeking the Lord, not necessarily feeling like He isn't answering me, but starting to feel a little anxious and running low on patience. Like the feeling you get when you start wanting what you want NOW instead of in HIS timing, kinda thing. In theory I have no problem waiting on the Lord. I know He will provide. And honestly, I think if I didn't have to worry about how MY WAITING was effecting other people I could wait a long time with hardly any problems. But once I start seeing what my waiting is doing to others, I start to get a little anxious. Sometimes I even wonder, "how will this effect how people view God?" But it isn't for me to worry about how God's timing is effecting other people. It is for me to be patient and ready and to keep focused on HIM and not on others.

Well as much as I wish it was EASY for me to not be anxious when I start to let those thoughts about others creep into my mind, I admit that there are times I cry before the Lord, pouring out my heart and anxieties. Knowing that He still loves me and that He is truly patient with me and will comfort me.

SO, as I said I have been sort of having some of those anxieties in my heart lately. In trying to wrestle with these thoughts, my prayers have become almost statements rather than conversations. Like I find myself almost verbally saying those things I know to be true about my Lord. That HE is FAITHFUL, that HE will PROVIDE, that I KNOW HE HEARS me, that I KNOW HE WILL answer me. All these things, I have been saying to Him, and I say my anxieties to Him too. Followed immediately by the truths again. Like I said, wrestling in my mind over these things before the Lord.

Last night I was so exhausted and almost went to sleep without spending time with the Lord. But honestly I just couldn't do it. It was like I was missing my time with Him and just needed to be filled.

So, after days of wrestling and praying, I once again open up my devotional My Utmost for His Highest and to my daily reading in my Bible. The devotional from last night honestly wasn't that great. hahah, but it was talking about the story of Jacob wrestling with God. I kinda thought, 'eh, that's nothing impressive'. I put that down and opened up my Bible to Hosea 12 where I had left off the night before. And guess what the first story Hosea decides to talk about? Why Jacob wrestling with God. Keep in mind, that Hosea was written WAY after this incident took place and he was just making a point. So anyway, once I started reading about Jacob AGAIN, immediately my mind was like, "twice? really? I better pay attention." The very next verse was:

"So you, by the help of your God, return;
Observe mercy and justice,
And wait on your God continually."
Hosea 12:6

WOW, I thought, some encouragement about waiting on God. Totally cool right? Here I am struggling with thoughts about others and how my waiting on Him is effecting them, and here He is telling me to WAIT on Him continually.

Ok, so at this point I'm feeling great. Like "cool this must be what God had for me to tonight". I could have closed my Bible and gone to sleep. Or so I thought. Cause right now I just happen to be reading a chapter out of Hosea and a chapter out of Philippians every night. SO, I flip over to Philippians feeling pretty good and start to actually laugh out loud when I realize what I am reading.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus...
And my God shall supply all your need
according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7, 19

NO JOKE, I totally did not plan this. I didn't even think about this verse coming up when I opened to Philippians. AGAIN, JESUS LOVES ME. Enough to remind me that He hears my prayer, and that He speaks through His Word into our lives. He is so real and so relevant.

How is it that I can say to Him, "Lord I'm starting to get a little anxious about this stuff and how certain people are looking at my waiting on You" and I really pray about this and talk to Him about this like more than just once a day...then open up my Bible and have Him from two different spots tell me to not be anxious and to continue waiting on Him that He is going to take care of me. CRAZY. Just crazy. How do people not believe in Jesus? Just baffles me.

Anyway, I am really happy I just wrote all this tonight, cause even though the Lord blessed me like crazy last night, I felt the need to write this down so that I don't forget how good He is to me, and so that I can look back on this when that evil anxiety starts to creep back in. :)

Blessings on you friends!
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